what do you mean printing money is illegal?

In reading the article "6 Money Habits that are Illegal", I came across this gem:

"Color printers, scanners and copiers make it surprisingly easy for just about anyone to replicate U.S. or foreign currency. But it is, in fact, illegal to print your own money and try to spend it to buy goods or services."

None of the other 5 were really what I'd call money habits, except maybe writing a floater check (and again, not so much a habit as something I could see a normal person do, even if it is a bad idea), but I thought this was a bit of a stretch. On what planet would copying currency and then attempting to spend it classify as a) a habit and b) something you would think is legal?

That's what I get for reading useless online articles in the middle of the day.

I have a new favorite food blog

While most of the recipes are marked to try, I have made quite a few already. So far, no real duds. Certainly, we all have different tastes and styles, but I like this girl's food very much. Since she is the one who introduced me to the yummy zucchini bean thing (and the recipe book it came from, which I ran right out and got from the library. It looks decent.), she's a winner in my book.

Anyway, we had these shredded beef tacos for dinner last night. I was already a fresh-fried taco shell convert, but the meat filling was great. I only used a pound of meat but kept the spices the same but next time I might reduce the salt slightly. With the toppings and shell it was not overly spicy, but alone (and we continued to eat our way through the meat long after we were "too full for another taco") it was a bit salty.

Yum yum.

I have one of those faces

You know, the one where people always think they know me? I first realized it when Stephanie and I went to a student ward after high school and this guy was (I'm pretty sure) hitting on me saying he was sure we'd met somewhere before. Then in college it happened all the time. Not the getting hit on part, but people thinking we'd met. Then I graduated and the number of new people I met dropped dramatically and I forgot all about it.

Cut to a week ago or so when someone said, "you look so familiar..." and I heard myself answer, "I get that a lot." Oh yeah, I did get that a lot. Then tonight at the temple, someone else was sure she knew me. Where was I from? Arizona. Oh yeah, that's not it. I went to BYU. Oh, nope, not it.

Then, a guy there asked me if I went to BYU and was I in the 151st ward my freshmen year? Sure enough, yes! Suddenly he looked familiar (though older and hairier...come to think of it, I've not seen most of those guys with facial hair). We're home now and I've already forgotten his name. Dang!

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On a completely unrelated note, I overheard this conversation the other day:
Josh: Do you want to fly high like Batman or like Superman?
[yes, I corrected him about the Batman thing...it's not actually flying]
Jonah: Like an airplane!

Perhaps we have some work to do. He also calls all sports football (after calling them all basketball and then baseball...we're still working on the distinctions). I read him a book where the kids in the picture are playing soccer. This time when he said they were playing football, I did not correct him. He's very continental like that (or something).

a second sniffer

Frustrating: finding grass on the floor minutes after mopping it.
Funny: Jonah flat on the floor sniffing it around with his nose (it started as sniffing and turned in to seeing how far he could blow the grass).

Frustrating and funny: dog that constantly licks her reflection in the oven door.

We're a bunch of crazies around here, or something.

when I am....

Jonah's new saying is "when I'm a [something] I can [do/eat/be something he currently cannot do]. I started jotting them down a week ago or so. Here are the highlights:

...a person, I can climb on that/go there (that being the ladders or special doors for employees only. This one used to be "when I'm a person that works here").
...a girl, I can play on the computer (referring to the checkout lady using her computer).
...a garbage truck, I will go on the road.
...a firetruck, I can start with "f", if I want to.
...Kimberly, I can tap her too (as in, tap Dixie on the nose).
...a little guy, I can drive one too (referring to a dump truck).
...a police car, I can drive.
...a dog, I can play with it (This was said with sobs because Dixie did not want to share a toy).

And my all-time favorite:
When we're salsa, we can be spicy.

first man down

We've had our first Dixie casualty: one of Jonah's new flip flops. The bad news is, he's going to be so sad when he finds out (he loves those things!). The good news is, I can buy a brand new pair with change in the car they were that cheap. I'll let him pick them out this time.

Also, I found an old (um, 2 months or so) carton of ice cream in the fridge and tried eating some. It was gross. It's a sad day when ice cream gets thrown away uneaten in this house.

a larger sample size

Here you are, aunt Teri!



I was hoping he'd say something funny. If nothing else, this is a good example of his inability to hold still. Sorry about the shaking--Dixie was trying to lick my foot.

P.S. Josh loved the "sample size" and "precision" of your last comment. He's happy to have someone speak his language for once.

our videos, a poll

Josh says when he views the blog at work, the text runs over the videos. Is anyone else seeing this (because I don't)? And if so, how do I fix it?

two videos

Dixie the bubble slayer:



Pardon the shaking at the end, that's me laughing hysterically. The song comes from Sesame Street, and the second verse is "Fly luciernaga fly". He did eventually sing it the real way, but I enjoy the first version better.

In one month

My mom was here one month ago. I miss her. I have also been forced to face what one month looks like in terms on consumption since we went to Costco together and I'm starting to run out of some things. In some ways, I preferred ignorantly assuming we just ran out whenever we did. Instead, I now know that in one month we (can) go through 3 giant bottles of Nutella. There have been a few other discoveries that are actually good to know, like that we used 10lbs. of wheat flour and half a box of dishwasher detergent this month.

I hate to pay grocery store prices for it, but Jonah loves it as much as I do (read: we both eat it at least once every single day) so it might be worth it. Once you figure in gas to get to Birmingham, I doubt it's much cheaper at Costco.

Oh well. There's nothing like Nutella and saltines to cheer me up!

Nose sniffer

We had a handful of dogs at our house when I was growing up, but the two that actually stuck around were Fang and Lorna. We got Fang when I was 10 and Lorna when I was 16. Once Lorna grew up, it was funny to watch them together. Fang was scrappy and Lorna was a ditz. Lorna played fetch (mostly) and Fang just chased the balls and horded them. Fang was a cattle dog and liked to herd small children while Lorna was a German Shepherd (mostly) and didn't herd us (thank goodness). One of the things that brought their differences out most was when they ate.

Lorna ate a little, wandered around, ate a little more and sometimes wouldn't eat at all. Fang inhaled everything he could find. When I would bring them table scraps (they were outside dogs), I liked to toss the treats in the air for the dogs to catch. For Fang to catch, I should say. He was very good at it. Lorna, on the other hand, would get smacked in the face. She could, however, sniff around and find whatever treat she or Fang had missed.

I just looked over and saw Dixie eating spaghetti off the floor. We haven't really fed her any table scraps (for many reasons), but spaghetti is a pain to clean up (it doesn't sweep or vacuum well), so I turned a blind eye. I tried to, that is, until I noticed that she was sniffing but not doing a great job finding. Apparently, she has a nose more like Fang and less like Lorna. Let's hope she can catch!

Scarlett, I tried

I was looking at some writing exercises and came across this one.

1. Choose one of your favorite piece of fiction (a short story or novel) and write a new ending (the last page or two) in what you consider “your own” prose style. How is the new ending different from the original? What similarities remain?

I am having a hard time thinking of a book. My first thought was Gone With the Wind because what other book's ending was so terrible? On the other hand, it really is perfect for the book. I doubt I could write anything else, even for an exercise, without it screaming "fake!"

Then I thought of some books I've read that were just really dumb, but who wants to write about those? Not me. I'd rather forget I've ever read them. Even the ones that were entertaining but nothing awesome won't work because I'd actually have to re-read at least the last few chapters for this to really work.

I finally settled on the last book I read because a) I can remember it, and b) there was a debate at book group about whether or not there would be a sequel. I'm not sure she could do a whole sequel, but definitely at least another page or two (ding ding ding! I'll write what I wish it had said!).

Of course, maybe I'll reconsider Gone With the Wind. I really would like it if Rhett came back.

how to know if your toddler has a dirty diaper: a guide

Other than the smell, of course, here is a pretty good resource for anyone with a son like ours.

Me: "Jonah, do you have a dirty diaper?"
Jonah: "Nope, it's all clean!"
Diaper is clean.

Me: "Jonah, do you have a dirty diaper?"
Jonah: [silence]
or
Jonah: [giggles]
Diaper is dirty.

Part of me thinks it's time to get on the potty training thing. The other part of me is so exhausted from following Dixie around making sure she hasn't peed anywhere that I think I can wait until I only have one source of bodily functions to worry about.* Thank goodness we don't have any carpet.

*3 days accident-free, not counting today. Yay! The sad part is, she doesn't really go to the door, we're just getting used to reading her signs. One step at a time, right?

Ode to Aquphor

Before Jonah was born I read a blog somewhere that claimed that Aquaphor is the best lotion for babies (fastest working for quantity used best, that is). I put it on my grocery list, but when I discovered it was a bazillion dollars for a tiny tube (approximate), I grabbed the tiniest one and wondered if I'd regret it.

I haven't. This is seriously the best stuff ever. It's come to the rescue when baby Jonah had extremely dry cheeks and again when his diaper rash got too bad and then again when he went through his lip picking phase oh and before that when he'd pick his belly button raw. I keep the tiny tube of it in my makeup bag so it's always on trips with us, because you never know when your son might develop a new compulsive habit that draws blood.

Fast forward to today, 5 minutes before church. I looked down at my hands and they were cracked and dry and scary. I figured out a few years ago that when I dry my hands I always miss the spot in between my first two fingers and they get very dry in the winter. Knowing obviously hasn't done much to change me because I still do. I also repeatedly miss a little patch on the back of my shoulder when applying lotion to my arms--it's much drier than the rest of me. There, now this has officially crossed over in to rambling. Anyway, the spot in between my fingers was especially dry and starting to crack, so I rushed to the car to grab my emergency car lotion only to discover that it was missing. No! Now that I'd thought about them, my cracked hands and finger webs would drive me bonkers.

Enter the Aquaphor. I do my makeup on the way to church most Sundays, so the bag with the tiny million-dollar bottle was there. I dabbed some between my fingers and rubbed the rest all over my hands (I'm always surprised at how far a little bit goes) and rushed back in. It wasn't as good as lotion (I could still feel some roughness), but they weren't white and scary.

Just now while making lunch, I unconsciously rubbed that dry spot between my fingers (I do that a lot, which only makes it worse. Apparently Jonah is not the only compulsive person in this family.) and lo and behold, baby's bottoms smooth. I don't know why I'm surprised, considering the miraculous results it's always had before, but I am. I love you, Aquaphor.

And yet, I always struggle with baby shower gifts. Next time it's on sale (unless it's one of those things that never goes on sale!) I should stock up. The problem is, unless the mom-to-be has tried it, she might think me cheap for giving her a tiny tube of lotion. Our little tube has lasted almost 3 years with no sign of slowing down, though, and I can't say that for many baby shower gifts.

The end. Josh just looked over and said "Since when is this blog about you?" He was kidding. Sort of.

mama, take a picture of me talking!

I assumed he meant a video, since pictures don't talk. This was the result:

I had

a long day, a frustrating day, a pull-my-hair-out-by-the-time-Josh-gets-home day. In fact, as I walked out the door (more on that below), I overheard Josh tell Jonah not to break the blinds to which Jonah responded, "I'M GOING TO!" Yes, that kind of day.

I rushed home around 4:00 after watching a friend's children and made this for dinner. By the time it was done, I was convinced it was disgusting and couldn't bring myself to eat it. I was ready to yell or cry or lock Jonah in the dog kennel, so when Josh got home I took the dog and went running. Of course, she was completely uncooperative and spent most of the time walking or sitting. Still, by the time I got home, Josh and Jonah were fed and I was ravenous.

It was amazing. It was fast. It was cheap. I'm totally making this every week or two until we get sick of it.

Addendum: Josh is currently counting out final bites for Jonah before excusing him from the table. In an effort to make the food appear more interesting, he told Jonah that the zucchini is pickles. Now Jonah won't eat anything. At least he already had one bowl (it was either that good or I starved him in my frustration today, I'm not sure which). I don't mind finishing his. His breadsticks, on the other hand, I will not finish since he just licked them all.

the good, the bad, the strange

It's almost been two weeks since we brought Dixie home. Jonah loves her. It's mostly a good thing.

The good: They adore each other. They just spent 10 minutes running around the house giggling and tail wagging (well, each doing one of those things). She's very gentle with him. She tugs on his clothes some, but we're working on it. He's also gentle with her, thanks to the dogs and cats he practiced on in his first two years (Sophie, Toby, and Huaso especially). Jonah almost always pretends to be a puppy these days. In fact, he's "Jonah Dixie" and I'm "mama Dixie" at least once a day.

The bad: He does everything she does, save peeing on the floor. I just caught him sniffing her bone and chewing on the rug like she does (and he wouldn't stop until I told him no...just like Dixie). It's like having two of him. I can't get anything done if they're both awake because I'm busy making sure Dixie is behaving well with him and not peeing all over while Jonah does his best to get her worked up.

The strange: He climbed in her kennel yesterday and asked to be shut in (she was outside). I did, against my better judgment, and he watched most of Sesame Street in there. He told me just now that he was going to go to his "kemmel", which is apparently the couch. Who knew?

(20 minutes later): He just came up and bit my pants. I wonder if Dixie will eventually start acting like him eventually or if we'll just have to set up a second kennel for Jonah.